who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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