I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
