it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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