he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
