I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
