I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
