um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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