WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
