Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
