just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
