his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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