last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
