I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
