So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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