I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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