NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
