I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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