if you like me you must not know who I am
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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