So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
