I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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