i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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