somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
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Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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