guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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