I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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