hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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