Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
