So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
