Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
