Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I licked your asshole in confidence.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
