Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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