He is an equal opportunity slut.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
