I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
