would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
