on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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