Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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