The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
another moral hangover. fuck.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Watching her eat just hurts me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
