ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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