Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
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She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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