I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If that was your dad, he is hot
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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