At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like a drive thru vagina
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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