sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
