wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
