you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
