I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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