They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
