so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
