i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
