i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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