wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
