I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
