The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
