Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
