I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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