Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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