we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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