MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wish my penis had a tongue
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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