a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
