Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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