apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
