We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
