He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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