omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
