I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
