yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The air was thick with penises
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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