I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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