with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
