we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize