insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
