dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
